Sugar Mamas

Sometimes it amazes me how many people I know that are in serious, committed, long-term May December relationships. And now, the phenomenon continues into the pet world.

I have two kittens. Two boy kittens. They are only 9 months old and are completely taken with the older female cat next door. At first, it was cute to see Morty jump the fence and head across the alley to see Miss Jane. He'd stare at her (and of course she'd hiss and try to scare him away...you know playing hard to get) and try to snuggle up close. Then after a few minutes he'd come home and start playing with his brother in his own yard.

Ahhh sweet young love. Now, Morty leaves the house each morning after he's licked himself everywhere imaginable (yes, folks I can't break the habit of public self-licking in my cat) and heads over to the neighbor's yard. My mom jokes that he should have been named Romeo.

Well, it appears that Miss Jane doesn't just appeal to the young hearted...she also appeals to a old big Tom from across the street.

I told Morty one night that Miss Jane just spelled trouble. I tried to reason with him that I could see where this was headed and it wouldn't be pretty. (It wouldn't be pretty because Morty has been neutered and declawed...they are house cats for all of you out there that think I've done something evil...I have furniture to protect.) But I think Morty is in love...or at least in awe of the neighbor lady cat. He did what most young males would do...he was anxious for some experience (though he's neutered so I'm not sure where this comes from) and he left out early one evening. His direction - over the fence and into Miss Jane's territory.

(Now this next little part I'm having to guess at, but I read romance novels...I'm sure I've got the gist.)

Morty is probably assuming that he's the hottest new thing on the block and he's amazing all the other neighborhood animals with his ability to turn the head of one older woman. So imagine Mort's surprise when Miss Jane is "entertaining" a Tom more her age. His shocked little heart tells him that despite his not having claws he can fight for Miss Jane's affections. Poor little Morty.

I'm sure he strutted on up and that Tom took one look at this little baby and flicked out his claws. There would have been a flash of light off the tips of those sharp claws and he would have smiled that you-are-dead-now look. Then Morty would realize that he was just a baby playing in a game he was too young for and also realize that nothing comes out of his paws.

The rest of the details are probably just too gory to share, but I do know that Morty came home with one nasty bloody eye. He came over our fence and straight into the house. He jumped up in my mom's lap and poured out his broken heart. Seriously, there for a while, he wouldn't open his eye and we were afraid that it had been scratched so bad that he would need medical attention. Luckily, we had some eye medication in the bathroom from previous pets and doctored him up. He took himself straight to bed after that.

He's much better today, but he hasn't made any repeat visits to Miss Jane's. Hopefully, he has learned his lesson...leave the older ladies for the older men!