As I mentioned in the previous post, my blog has been sadly lacking these last few weeks. I claim that life is simply too busy for me to be posting at this time, but I think that is a fib I tell myself or more importantly that I tell the few people that regularly make a point to stop by here.
I began blogging because it seemed to be the "in" thing to do. And then I quickly warmed to the idea of using my blog as a journal of my every day life. Believe it or not, I do occassionally go back and re-read old posts. I've been at this blogging thing for a little over a year and a half. I can see how my writing has changed. I can see how I've changed. And most of the time that is a good thing.
And then there are days...even weeks...like these last ones that I wish I could truly use my blog for journaling all the inside thoughts. I can't. Too many of my real world friends and family stop by and take a peek. Don't get me wrong, I love that in a time where I'm so far away from them we can stay caught up and connected. There are just some things I wish I could put out there and not be judged because of.
I most enjoy blogging because you make connections with people. The majority of the time these are people that will never "know" you, but they build relationships and trust with you through the writing. They are an unbiased board off which to bounce ideas and get opinions. I like that.
And sometimes, I wish that my blog was completely anonymous. I wish I could write freely about the envy I feel for a friend who seems to have everything I want, about the fear I feel that I'm turning into someone I love but that I don't want to be like, that guy that just won't leave my head or heart alone, the dreams of going and doing something completely unlike me, or how alone I sometimes feel...even when I'm surrounded by people who care about me.
I could do it, but I'm chicken. I don't want to disappoint anyone. I don't want anyone to look at me with pity or to feel that they have to "fix" me. And lately, the things I need to blog about are the ones that I can't blog about. So, I'm keeping to myself for a while. I'm usually impulsive and act without completing the thought process, but for now I'm going to just ponder these thoughts on my own.
I know that answers and peace will come and that this time they have to come from within me.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
I Do It Because
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8 comments:
I can completely relate to this post Steff. I think we all have to censor ourselves in our blogs and even in real life. There are few that we can get down to the nitty gritty with, and know that they will keep it in confidence and not judge us. The truth is, the only one I can be 100% open with is my husband. This helps me alot and I can leave my blog for more lighthearted subjects. I love your posts, and I love how real you are, but you are smart to keep some things mysterious!
I thought it would be a great thing to blog about stuff that was on my mind, or stuff that pissed me off, so the only person in my "real" life who knows about it is my husband.
Then, I made some friends through the blog, and I still feel censored, because I know that something might offend one of them. It's a strange position to be in, so I can absolutely relate to this post.
Heya pal, I know I'm in the family catagory, but I hope you know you can confide in me....We'll be in a small room for 5 days together after all! ;-) Is it the same guy? I wish you luck....let me know if you need a sounding board.
ya know...i've got good ears, a soft shoulder and all. feel free to always dump on me, iffn you wanna.
but why can't you create another blog? just use it like an online journal, uncensored, and give it an alias. i don't think there's anything wrong with that, and it could make you feel better...and you never know what could come out of it.
let me know if you wanna talk! me
"I could do it, but I'm chicken. I don't want to disappoint anyone."
Stop lying to yourself and speak up! Who gives a rat's bum if they sit there and ridicule you? Develop a backbone and a thick skin and show them that you're not afraid! People will respect you more instead of seeing you have some sort of pity party due to your lack of courage in writing your thoughts and what's inside's Steff's heart.
Your blog's name is "An Inside Look". It's a lie! Let's see the real Steff, and maybe you'll draw attention from people who can relate to you.
Surface writing is just that. It's hesitant to say what's really underneath.
Go for it!
Next post---------more truth!
And by the way, you're writing is way too good for surface stuff.
Trina: Normally my blog is for lighthearted things too, but sometimes I just want to vent. And I should feel free to vent here. I'm working on it!
Jaded: I think everyone can relate to this post...at least in some respect.
Amanda: I know I can. And I know you can confide in me...I just wish we did it more. :)
Valerie: I don't think I have the energy for two blogs (or the brain power to remember two passwords!) so this blog will have to do. And thanks for the offer of an ear. I just might take you up on that.
Anonymously: First, thanks for the compliment on my writing. Second, truth is a double edged sword sometimes. But, here is to seeing more of the true me.
I don't know about here, but over on JS where I hang out, you can select who gets to read each individual entry. You can have them friends and favorites only, or even cannot be read by anybody. Seems to be the answer to your situation, and easier than starting a whole separate blog.
Cheers
Fin
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