Effective Birth Control

Today was my first day at my new job. But, it kind of reminds me of an old job. Let me explain...I'm an instructor for this after-school program that is government funded. My job will be to have a thirty minute instruction time (where I make worksheets come alive) followed by an hour of homework time, and then forty-five minutes of enrichment. That's a fancy way of saying free time. Anyway, that's how the afternoon is supposed to go.

Here is where the old job part comes in: the kids are the same 5th grade students that I had when I did my long term sub assignment at the first of the year. (Those of you that were around and gave me such a hard time about blogging at school...those kids.) Anyway, it's the same hateful, rude, pains-in-the-butt as I had for eight weeks. That didn't sound very teacherish did it? Not all are that way...just enough to really make life miserable when we're all in a little room.

Though I do have to say that a great part of my afternoon was when the kids lined up and the recognized me. Some came right up and gave me a hug. Others' faces just fell. I guess they were sure that they had gotten rid of me. Even though today was my first day, the site director left me with about 30 kids who were not supposed to make a peep until they reached the center. As soon as she was in her car they started talking and basically talked right over me. As anyone in the teaching profession can attest to, nothing is more humiliating than kids not caring what you say and then acting like little demons as you helplessly watch. Yeah, I'd have killed for a whistle today. I'm supposed to be getting one tomorrow.

So, we make it back to the center and the kids get hyped up on their "healthy snack" of soda and cookies. That's when the director walks in and asks how the ride went. I told her they were completely out of control and that I thought a whistle might have come in handy. That's when she marched them into another room and made them stand on the wall for 15 minutes. Then she made them write this paragraph about being a person of worth 15 times. Yeah...those kids can't wait for me to come back tomorrow. At least I'll know a few things to be prepared for:

1. Wear shoes. I wore my sparkly purple flipflops today with my painted toes. I should have remembered that these kids thought I was a snob by the way I dressed when I was their substitute. There were plenty of comments about my "rich girl" shoes. Kids are cruel.

2. Do not flirt (and to 5th graders that means smile or look at) the other teacher in the room. He's this huge tall black guy and I'm this short curvy white girl. I'm sure you can imagine the rounds of "Sitting in a tree...".

3. Start practicing being loud. I mean really...I'm going to yell everything tomorrow morning so I'll be in good shape when work time rolls around. Maybe I'll invest in one of those bull horn things.

4. Last but not least....shrug off all those insecure feelings. I AM the teacher. I AM in charge. I CAN make life miserable for these kids. I WILL be respected.

So, yeah...today was very effective birth control. It reminded me of an email I'd gotten recently that said teenagers (and tweenagers are just as bad!) are God's punishment for enjoying sex.

Amen.