Guest Post

Hey everyone,

Life seems to be on fast forward and frankly I haven't had the blogging bug lately. I'm sure this is a 24 hour thing and I'll be back shortly, but in my absence Mike has been let loose on my blog. Thanks Mike. Enjoy.

Steff


Once again a maiden in distress asks for a guest post from yours truly. Apparently our lil Steffy is a busy, busy girl this week and feels it would be a bad thing to leave her blog neglected and un-used. So she has opted for being abused by me instead.

She did warn me that her mother occasionally reads her blog though. So I assured her I would keep it “mom” safe.

But then she e-mailed me back and said she didn’t want "some watered down lil girl post"
either. Just another example of a woman trying to confuse us I guess.

Well there are a couple of issues here I’d like to clear up:

1) I’m not skeered of your mother. There’s a lot of space between Wisconsin and Texas and if necessary I can hide. If that fails I have great ass-kissing skills anyway.

2) If your mother has seen any of my comments in your blog I’m sure I’d have heard about it by now. She knows I’m a wonderful person and probably wishes you would model yourself after me.

So now that we have that cleared up and to prove just how much on the same page your mother and I are, I’ve elected to do an in depth interview with her. I know she’s just dying to be in the spot light and reveal a little of what makes Steff tick.

Mike: It’s finally nice to sit down and chat with you about your daughter. Before we begin are there any areas we need to stay away from or any topics that would be off limits?
Steff’s Mom: Absolutely not. I’m all for letting the chips fall where they may.

Mike: That’s great. Before we begin can I get you a pepsi or a beer?
Steff’s Mom: No thanks. But if you’re smart you’ll hide your beer in case Steff sneaks in on us though. That girl can drink like a fish, curse like a sailor and her beer belches have woken the neighbors on several occasions.
Mike: Not too ladylike huh?
Steff’s Mom: Not hardly but she’s easy to locate under those circumstances.

Mike: How do you explain this behavior?
Steff’s Mom: That’s simple, all our neighbors are told she has Tourettes Syndrome.
Mike: Nice.

Mike: Can you tell us who her favorite entertainer is?
Steff’s Mom: Pee Wee Herman. Don’t make me regret this interview now. Even after years of counseling she feels it was an imposter in that little theater incident and he was framed.
Mike: Well, that explains the Pee Wee air freshener hanging off her review mirror I guess.
Steff’s Mom: You’ve seen that too? Honestly, can you imagine how mortified her father and I are? Next question please.

Mike: Obviously she considers you and her father as role models but are there any others that helped shaped her life?
Steff’s Mom: Well there was one. I’m a little hesitant to bring him up though.
Mike: Oh, you don’t have to flatter me.
Steff’s Mom: Not you. Now you’ve forced my hand. In no way shape or form do I want people thinking you helped shape her life. I’m talking about Barney.
Mike: That goofy green and purple dude?
Steff’s Mom: Yes. She still wears Barney pajamas to this day. We still can’t have any knick knacks on small tables or shelves because every time she turns around that damn tail knocks things over.
Mike: Any pictures of this you’d like to share with the audience?
Steff’s Mom: No. Sicko. She warned me about this pajama thing you two have going on.
Mike: Ok. Moving on then.

Mike: Steff often brings up her love for trying out new recipes on you folks. Care to give us a little insight on how that works?
Steff’s Mom: Fema has deemed her cooking skills and her easy-bake oven a security risk. They usually cut us a check for the cleanup and the meals we need to go out and eat after each incident. Both her father and I pray the guy she marries some day either is a life time dieter or can actually cook himself. And hide all flammable materials as well.

Mike: She must have a favorite restaurant herself. What must that be?
Steff’s Mom: McDonald’s. Sometimes its hard to get her out of the play area to eat her happy meal though. She also has a thing for Ronald.
Mike: Really?
Steff’s Mom: Sadly, yes. She always making reference to his shoe size. Is that something I need to be concerned with?
Mike: Only if you see them together and he’s shoe-less I’d imagine.

Mike: So is there a man in her life right now?
Steff’s Mom: Unfortunately yes.
Mike: Unfortunately?
Steff’s Mom: Can we keep this question to ourselves? It’s rather embarrassing.
Mike: Of course! Hasn’t Steff told you how thoughtful I am?

Close your eyes and just scroll past this part people. This is too gut wrenching for Steff’s mother and you shouldn’t read her answer.

Steff’s Mom: Well, the other day we caught her at the nursing home hitting on some old duffer in a wheelchair.
Mike: I’m shocked!
Steff’s Mom: Apparently so was he. His heart couldn’t take it and his funeral is tomorrow. She now has a restraining order barring her from getting within 500 feet of the nursing home. This is just too painful. Can we continue this another time?
Mike: Sure, just give me a call.

Well, that’s that I guess. I would appreciate it Steff if you would thank your mother for me for taking the time to shed a little light about you for us.

And…..

Thanks for letting me post today. There is no limit to my idiocy that I’m willing to share with people huh?