It was pointed out to me recently that I live in a 40/60 world...forty percent reality and sixty percent bubble. I have to admit that at first I was highly offended, but upon a little closer reflection it caused me to stop and wonder. Do I have a skewed reality because I grew up middle class, have a college education, and was always surrounded by love from parents, family, and friends? Have I missed some critical element that makes the world go round because I don't have first hand knowledge about war, starving children, having to live on the street and dance in seedy dives to put food on the table?
Well, okay. I admit it...I've been very blessed. I have two parents that are married and that love each other and love me. I grew up in a nice house, I always had clothes to wear, and my mom always managed to put a good meal on the table at dinner time. I got to take trips (Washington DC in seventh grade for example) and I never was short on presents at Christmas and my birthday. Sounds just about perfect right?
Yeah, but I got spankings...a lot...for misbehaving. I wasn't allowed to talk back to my parents, I was taught the value of hard work, the importance of managing money, and to not look down on others who weren't as fortunate as I was.
I do not apologize for my background. It isn't something that I take for granted. After reflection, I don't think that I look down on people or have a loose grasp on reality because of my background. You can't please everyone. There will always be people who feel that I can't truly understand or appreciate reality (whatever that is) because I haven't been down and out. That seems like their problem instead of mine.
I was at a seminar today about teaching children in poverty. It was really interesting to learn about the hidden rules and core beliefs that govern the class systems in America. It sort of reminded me about the whole reality versus bubble thing. I agree that I can't identify with some of the circumstances surrounding poverty, but I can be tackful and sympathetic to my students and their needs. The presenter made an interesting comment about how we can still be effective educators even to people outside of our own sphere of understanding. Yes, that is regarding education, but I think it can apply to almost any "spherical" situation.
Anyway, while I really think the percentage is off, I do admit that I have a nice comfortable bubble. Sure, it can be roomy, but I'll gain new perspectives with age and experience. My background is not a handicap but is something that enriches my life.
What is your opinion...is there a correlation between background and one's view of what reality is?
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
40/60
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4 comments:
Wow....this one could be complicated. I think middle class can relate to poor much more than the rich/upper class. The upper class for the most part wouldn't understand the thought processes of the poor in my opinion.
I do not agree with the statement that you are in a bubble 60% of the time because you lived in a two parent family that loved you and raised you properly. I also believe that you do not have to live through something to be able to be empathetic in regards to that thing. For example, a priest can give very good OBJECTIVE advice to a married couple to help them through their problems. Even though the priest is not married does not mean that he cannot understand the issues that a married couple faces. Actually, I think an unmarried, celebate priest can provide better advice and council than a twice divorced marriage counsellor who couldn't solve her own problems yet says she will help me with mine (?)
WOAH.. flashback.. no sour grapes there.. Just kidding.
As a matter of fact, I maintain that someone who has not lived through something can be actually be objective and can have MORE empathy towards someone who is in a given situation than someone who actually lived through it and has their opinions and decisions colored by their own experiences. For me that objectivity is more important than the actual experience.
I used to have an unending argument with some woman from the Bronx about 'real life'. I told her that Dering Harbor is just as real as Randal Avenue. Coincidentally enough, I blogged about Dering Harbor a day or two ago.
I share your background ref loving and supportive parents and a better than average background and current living situation. And I am no longer apologetic over my good fortune.
Fin
Okay I come from a poor back ground with the twice divorced mother who dated after the second divorce. And I don't think it takes someone who lived my life to relate to me. I had a teacher who reminded me that I could be anything I wanted to be. In a not so subtle way but she did. I will never forget her asking us how many of us were going to college, and of course most of the class raised their hand. She then said less than ten percent of you guys will actually go to college and even less will graduate.
Well she got me to thinking did I want to fit into that statistic or make something of my self. I could have been offended but it made me look at reality. I did take time off after high school for party 101. But those words stuck with me and motivated me to go back to school. And here I am college degree and all.
So no your background has nothing to do with you relating to your kids. It is your heart and your motivation. I recently heard a motivational speaker who said never forget your purpose and passion and you will succeed.
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