I truly love my job. Don't get me wrong...there are days when I go home wondering if I taught anything that day. And there are days when a child says something and I know that he got the idea or I see the light bulb go off. Those are great days! And then there are days like today...were the parents of my second grade darlings drive me nuts.
(WARNING: If you're a parent and you're already getting worked up at the idea that a teacher wouldn't appreciate all your comments and suggestions on how to teach then stop right here. It's a rant. On the other hand if you've been the parent or even the teacher and you feel like you might have some advice...please read on and drop that advice off in the comment box.)
Some might remember back in August that I mentioned I had a parent that was pretty rude on meet the teacher night. She said it would be an "interesting" year for her child implying that her child's education would be lacking because it was my first year to teach. Anyway, this parent has continued to be a thorn in my side.
At the end of the first nine weeks there was one day set aside for parent teacher conferences. They are scheduled 15 minutes apart because it's supposed to be a brief meeting. Brief was the operative word here. I purposely scheduled this parent for early in the day to avoid what I knew was coming...a confrontation. She (the mother) sent a note back (as opposed to the letters she'd been sending) requesting the last slot in the day. What to do? I could make this long and drawn out and relive every excruciating minute of the hour and a half meeting (did I mention they were supposed to be 15 minutes long?), but I'll just say it was a complete chewing out.
Anyone who really knows me understands that I don't cower down. I usually get hot tempered and start fighting back. This lady had me feeling so small I wanted to crawl under my desk and wave a white flag. Basically, I'm all wrong for this teaching profession and she "just really feels sorry for the other students." Yeah...crying wasn't optional...at least in front of her.
All of that back story to say that we'd come to some sort of agreement at that meeting. I'd send home more homework and assignments (to make up for all her child was lacking during the day in my care) so that the child would succeed. The very next week, the child comes up to me and returns said parent requested extra homework and says that mom said they didn't like this and that he didn't have to do it. Then came the day the student interrupted me during the lesson (in front of all the students) and said that mom said that the student didn't have to participate in this activity as she didn't see the point of it. And the final straw...today. We do this reading program called Book It! It's an incentive program to encourage reading and improve fluency. These are both major issues the mom had with my teaching style (she felt I didn't provide enough during the day and yet returns the extra homework...hmmm). Anyway, again in the middle of explaining it to the class, the student says that mom said the student didn't have to participate because they are too busy for reading.
Can you see why I'm frustrated!
So, my question to any parent or teacher that stops by...what is the deal? Do parents truly feel like their child is at a disadvantage with a new teacher in the classroom? Is this just typical parent behavior or are these parents going overboard? And to the teachers...how do you handle parents that find fault with everything? Any tips...from either side?
My student teacher mentor said that being a parent would effect what kind of teacher I would be and that being a teacher would effect what sort of classroom parent I'd be. Well, I'm not a parent and I'm feeling pretty resentful of these parents. These parents make the year look so long. I'd really like to find a balance and make everyone happy. Right now...seems impossible.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Parent Woes
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12 comments:
I believe the parents behavior has less to do with getting her child a good education and more about wanting to have power over you. You are a highly trained professional, what I use to say to parents was You are an expert at parenting your child, I am an expert at educating a GROUP of children. If she wants enrichment give her resources but also demand that her child not be rude in class.
I also think that being a parent is not necessary to be a good educator. I was one before and after having a child.
I'd recommend a blanket party.(sans pajamas)
*snickers*
get rid of the child you get rid of the parent. No not that way :-) I did have one teacher the year before that I really didn't agree with. She keeped calling wesley by another name,had no clue who I was (mind you I went to all the functions) (there's other stuff but I don't have 6 pages to write) So I pulled him out of her class and put him with a different teacher. If she doesn't agree with how you are teaching then she needs to move her kid (period)
Ed: I agree...I don't tell her how to do her job (which ironically...she's a teacher too) so I wish she'd stop telling me how badly I'm doing mine.
Mike: You're terrible! By the way...got a blanket?
*snickers*
Pilar: I'm on a first name basis with this child and parent. Believe me...I wish she would move her child.
Parents can be very very controlling. Don't take it personal...
Let me just play devil's advocate...ok now that I am done with that lets get to the issue.
The fact that the parent is a teacher is highly probative. Maybe she is projecting some of her insecurites from her first teaching gig on to you.
In principle I oppose both of you because I think that teachers are at the best guilty of criminal negligence and at worst recklessness. I just wish you were not teaching those kids to be "creative." Only God is creative, everything else is just a shallow mockery.
She is going a little overboard. Children these days need to be toughened, but if she asks for more work she should make the kid do it. She obviously realizes that it is an ultracompetative world and she needs to push her kid, but she seems unable to take the step required.
I would have punched her hard right in the ovary.
I would just ignore her. There is a bad apple in every bunch. If the rest of the parents are happy then be content with that. You can not please all the people all the time, and some people can not be pleased at all.
Now I must leave you and return to my criminal law briefs.
Ok... the thing that is sticking in my craw is how the mom is telling the kid that he doesn't have to do work because SHE said so. That is teaching this child a VERY bad lesson. BAD. Because it undermines your authority. Instead of working with you, she is trying to boss you. Have you tried to talk to your administrator? IF you have one worth their salt, you'll have another conference WITH the principal in there with you. BEcause if the parent is undermining and telling this kid how bad you are, you need ALL the help you can get.
Yes, having children will change the kind of teacher you are, but it DOES NOT make you any less of a teacher. I know you, Steff. You are a GOOD person and I can see you'd make an incredible teacher.
I remember my first year teaching. I had good parents. But my administrator was terrible. I was ready to quit teaching. FOREVER. She was THAT bad. Drove one of the other first year teacher's to a nervous breakdown. Yes. That bad.
Anyway.... hoping you don't have THAT kind of principal...
That parent would find fault with a 25 year veteran teacher who'd been nominated as Teacher of the year 5 years running and won 4 times.The parent is NOT in the classroom. YOU are. YOU are the teacher and should enforce your lessons and rules. By allowing that child to get away with "my mom said I didn't have to"... it gives the other children the idea that THEY don't have to either.
Send the kid to the principal the next time he refuses to do his work because mom said he didn't have to. And make sure the principal is on your side.
I'm a parent but if I were a teacher I'b put that little brat in a time out, send them to the guidance councelor, give them detention, or send them to the pricipal. There is no way I would put up with that crap from a kid I don't care who their parent is there is a school curriculem and if they can't and/or won't follow it then they don't belong there. period. Get some of the office staff involved in this matter ie principal, councilor,security and have them talk to this parent. If one of my kids tried telling their teacher something like this I would punish him myself and they know it. There are rules for a reason. If mom doesen't like the school, teacher, lessons, whatever, tell her go to a differant school or a montasori school, or home school but get the f out. peace~art
I can have her shot. Ya' in?
As a parent, I ADMIRE my daughters' teachers. I know what I go through trying to get them to figure out how 5 goes into 12500 and what the definition of viscosity is. This witch has too much time on her hands. As long as my child can read, write and is getting decent grades and seems to be learning stuff daily, why mess with the poor teacher who has to instruct my spawns?
You go, girl! That's all. Just, keep up what you're doing.
Wow Steff,
That was such an interesting read. I cant stand people who, like this parent, complain and complain but aren't proactive about remedying it. This parent has so many choices for education, that its ridiculous to be pinning any of this on you. If she feels so negative about her childs education, and she feels like her child is being damaged, then I question why she is leaving her child in such an environment. I mean if I had that strong of feelings about my child's wellbeing, and I did nothing, what kind of parent would that make me? I dont think she feels that way at all (to tell you the truth), I think she just likes being antagonistic with you, and she sounds like she has a screw loose. As the teacher, do you have the right to transfer the student to another class, or is this right only for the parent? I mean if she starts complaining in the other class, (which Im sure she will), it will make you understand that its not YOU. Im sorry you are having to endure such a horrible parent. Keep up the great work Steff!
Okay this may get long. As a parent you have two choices make your child the one that every teacher hate because the mom is a BBBBBBBBB----!!! or be the parent that communicates with the teacher to find your child's way of learning. As a parent you don't fight the system you adapt and help your child learn that just because things are not the way you would do them they are okay. You trust in our teachers who have a difficult job molding a class full of snotty nose kids who do not want to be there. Steff you stand your ground and let her know that if chooses to allow her child to not do the assignments than he will have to face the consequences. There is a grade for class participation and attitude isn't there. I would request another meeting with this women and have another person present to explain to her that you are doing what is best not only for her kid but for the class. Okay I will stop now. Good luck
As a parent, I take an active role in making sure that my child behaves in class. Outbursts like this are NOT okay, and my daughter is only FIVE years old.... so this kid has to be what, seven?
I can say that we are particular about her teachers, but last year we had a first-timer and she was WONDERFUL! She had the patience of a saint... something that is often hard to come by with "older" teachers. She crammed education into their brains but made it so much fun that they all LOVED participating and didn't realize just how much info they were learning.
I would call the parent in for a conference (or have the principal do it) and tell her that the outbursts are disruptive and that they need to stop. If she doesn't want him to participate in reading, then it's their loss... but that doesn't mean that it's okay for him to interrupt you and talk to you that way in front of the class. It sets a bad example for the other kids, and I'm sure it changes the other kids attitudes towards reading and class assignments. Book It was always awesome. Pizza Hut used to sponsor it. Sad... too busy to read things... only in 2nd grade.
Hang in there. You're always going to have a parent like this... at least most of the time. Just learn how to handle them now so that it won't make you crazy later.
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