Use Kind Words

At our school we model and encourage everyone to be friends. More importantly we use the term friend instead of classmate. For example, I remind the kids daily that we have to walk quietly in the hall because we don't want to disturb our other friends in another class. It really helps build that sense of community and friendship. Lately, I've been having to remind my students daily to use nice kind words with their friends. And that is a little troubling.

Then I realized that lately I'm having to remember to use kind words with a friend of mine. And that's even more troubling.

Remember when everyone was your friend and your world basically crashed when the hurtful words "I'm not gonna be your friend anymore!" were tossed out? I've been on both sides (though mostly in my younger days) and I think it hurts all the way around. With my kids, I can remind them that it hurts when we hear that (even if we don't really mean it) and that we need to treat people the way we would want to be treated. As grown-ups it's a little more complicated.

What do you do when you treat someone (insert friend's name here) the way you'd like to be treated and his/her response is nothing? I really think it's a fine line between getting one's panties in a wad over nothing and truly having the right to be upset. And right now I'm not sure which side of the line I'm on. That is a frustrating place to be.

This isn't something I'm proud to admit and it's cost me a few friendships through the years but I'm the type that would rather shut down and walk away rather than confront someone about how they feel about a friendship with me. I remember this one friend, Trisha, in middle school. (I know...middle school...we're so mature about things at that age but just go with it.) She was really nice and friendly to me and others in our circle and then suddenly she just stopped talking to me. She'd say hi in the hallway, but that was it. I didn't have the courage to flat out ask if I'd done something or if she didn't want to be my friend anymore. I didn't want to hear the answer if it was yes. So, I stopped talking to her and the friendship simply faded. I still don't know if it was because I'd done something or not...I never did ask.

Unfortunately, I'm still that way in friendships and now that I'm older relationships. I'd rather break ties first than be the one left. And instead of having a huge blow up I simply keep silent and back away. That sounds pretty pathetic huh?

Anyway, I don't know if this post was just a ramble or if I have a point I'm trying to make. I just know that I have a friend (at least that is how I think of our relationship) and I'm kind of tired of trying to reach out to come back with nothing. I don't like not knowing where I stand. I don't like not having control over this situation.

I miss my friend.