A Life That Was Changed

Oh where to begin...

My grandmother passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly last Monday, December 22. It doesn't seem possible that only seven days have passed...it feels like forever ago.

I was just starting to come awake when I heard my mom say, "Oh my gosh!" followed by a long pause and then I heard her crying. You know that sound can never be good when followed by tears. I stumbled out of bed and in the living room I found my mom with her hands covering her face and my dad with his arms around her. I asked what was wrong and received no answer. Finally after asking yet again, my mom said that Mimi was on her way to the hospital in an ambulance. At that point all we knew was that they feared something had burst in her brain.

My dad decided to go on to work, but left us with instructions to call him as soon as we knew something. Unfortunately we didn't have to wait long. My aunt called back to say that Mimi was unconscious, not breathing, and that CPR was failing to bring back her heartbeat. It became apparent that we were not going to make it to her in time to say goodbye. After calling my dad to return home, my mom and I set about frantically trying to decide what we'd have to do to be ready to go. A short few minutes later, my aunt called again...Mimi was gone.

The "after" has seemed to pass in a blur. The conclusion was that she suffered a brain aneurysm. Thankfully, the amount of time she was actually in pain was very brief. The family had a private viewing on Tuesday and a memorial was held on Friday. In among those two heart wrenching events, my family tried to have some semblance of Christmas. Believe me, it was a hollow lackluster shell of what this holiday normally is for my family. I'm sure that just about the time this deep wound stops bleeding we'll be called together to intern her ashes and this hurt will surface again.

I know that my family isn't the first to lose a loved one at the holiday and I'd never want to make light or discount another person's hurt, but this has truly been devastating for me. My paternal grandparents have both passed along with great grandparents, but I don't remember it feeling this acute. Perhaps it was because of when I thought of grandmothers I thought of her. Maybe it just seems so unreal because I just saw her and hugged her and told her I'd see her in just three short weeks for Christmas. Perhaps it is seeing my mom go through this and realizing just how unpredictable life can be. I suppose mainly the shock of it and how unexpectedly it happened is what truly is hurting my heart.

As a family of Christians and believers in Christ, we know that Mimi is no longer suffering or experiencing any pain. For that I am grateful, but to be completely honest it does little to ease the hurt and sense of loss I feel today. I wrote a short piece to be read at the memorial and in that I quoted Isaiah 26:3-4. Yes, on one hand there is a great peace in knowing that Mimi is forever comforted and in the loving hands of Jesus. On the other, my heart is aching at the loss.

At the memorial the song Thank You by Ray Boltz was played and as I listened to those lyrics I realized just how much my life has been blessed and changed because I was given the privilege of having Mimi in my life even though the time was short. I would encourage each and every one of you to tell your loved ones just how much you love them. Wrap your arms around their necks and hug the stuffin' out of them. You are beyond lucky to still have that chance as you never know when it might be too late.

I also want to say thank you to the friends who have let me cry and rant on your shoulders. A special thank you to the friends who simply just sit in quiet with me and let me process. You all mean very much to me.