Jamie

These layouts were inspired by Jamie's garden. Unfortunately, these pictures DO NOT do justice to these pages. They are absolutely beautiful in person.
The title of this page is "and there HE gives me sweet PEACE" The secondary title of this layout is directly above the ribbon flowers in the bottom left hand corner and says "Jamie's Garden".
The journaling says: A few weeks ago I was very stressed out and my friend Jamie sent me some pictures from her garden. I always feel peaceful when I look at flowers. They remind me that God will always provide for me and my needs. They do bring me sweet peace!

I've never been to Jamie's garden, but I would bet that it is a very beautiful and peaceful place. If you've never been over to her blog, I'd encourage you to stop by and scroll through a few of her past posts and see some of her flower/garden pictures. The colors are so vivid you'd swear you could stroke the petals and smell their pleasing fragrance. It isn't just Jamie's garden and flowers that warm my heart, but all gardens. Unfortunately for me, and the long line of flowers I've killed trying to disprove my point, I have a brown thumb. I can kill silk flowers. But, I have a high respect for those people that seem to touch the ground and beautiful things begin to grow. Perhaps if your soul is restless today you can stop by Jamie's, Bethany's, or Linda's blog and simply be still and find peace through their amazing garden pictures.

Loose Ends

The last two weeks have been full of all kinds of activity in my life. So, since I don't have much blog worthy news today, I'd tie up a few of those loose ends. I'd hate to leave my adoring fans (all two of you...lol) wondering.

Nanny: It was determined that she had a massive heart attack. She's doing as well as can be expected, but she can no longer live alone. Yesterday she was transferred to a nursing home. She has been relatively passive about going which if you knew her you'd know that was completely uncharacteristic for her. I'm sure settling into this new routine will have bumps, but so far the going has been smooth.

MRI: I thought since my doctor didn't call last week, it meant that there wasn't anything wrong. Well, by Tuesday I hadn't heard so I called to double check. The nurse said that he had just received the results and X-rays that morning and he'd call back after he read them. Within the hour he was calling me back. I have a bulging disc in my neck that is close but not yet compressing on any nerves. Also, according to the X-rays, I'm having severe muscle spasms in my neck. So, I'm going to start on a steroid pack to try and relieve the pressure and shrink the disc back into place. I'll go back for follow-up next week sometime.

Jobs: I got a new job!!! That is exciting. Yesterday went so much better than Tuesday. I guess the kids got their button pushing done then so we were able to have fun and actually learn yesterday. We made parachutes to talk about gravity and wind resistance...how cool is that? Anyway, I was also offered full time (40 hours a week) in the summer at double digit rate of pay. This is a very good thing.

That should bring you up to speed. Nothing new much going on...just settling into routines now.

Effective Birth Control

Today was my first day at my new job. But, it kind of reminds me of an old job. Let me explain...I'm an instructor for this after-school program that is government funded. My job will be to have a thirty minute instruction time (where I make worksheets come alive) followed by an hour of homework time, and then forty-five minutes of enrichment. That's a fancy way of saying free time. Anyway, that's how the afternoon is supposed to go.

Here is where the old job part comes in: the kids are the same 5th grade students that I had when I did my long term sub assignment at the first of the year. (Those of you that were around and gave me such a hard time about blogging at school...those kids.) Anyway, it's the same hateful, rude, pains-in-the-butt as I had for eight weeks. That didn't sound very teacherish did it? Not all are that way...just enough to really make life miserable when we're all in a little room.

Though I do have to say that a great part of my afternoon was when the kids lined up and the recognized me. Some came right up and gave me a hug. Others' faces just fell. I guess they were sure that they had gotten rid of me. Even though today was my first day, the site director left me with about 30 kids who were not supposed to make a peep until they reached the center. As soon as she was in her car they started talking and basically talked right over me. As anyone in the teaching profession can attest to, nothing is more humiliating than kids not caring what you say and then acting like little demons as you helplessly watch. Yeah, I'd have killed for a whistle today. I'm supposed to be getting one tomorrow.

So, we make it back to the center and the kids get hyped up on their "healthy snack" of soda and cookies. That's when the director walks in and asks how the ride went. I told her they were completely out of control and that I thought a whistle might have come in handy. That's when she marched them into another room and made them stand on the wall for 15 minutes. Then she made them write this paragraph about being a person of worth 15 times. Yeah...those kids can't wait for me to come back tomorrow. At least I'll know a few things to be prepared for:

1. Wear shoes. I wore my sparkly purple flipflops today with my painted toes. I should have remembered that these kids thought I was a snob by the way I dressed when I was their substitute. There were plenty of comments about my "rich girl" shoes. Kids are cruel.

2. Do not flirt (and to 5th graders that means smile or look at) the other teacher in the room. He's this huge tall black guy and I'm this short curvy white girl. I'm sure you can imagine the rounds of "Sitting in a tree...".

3. Start practicing being loud. I mean really...I'm going to yell everything tomorrow morning so I'll be in good shape when work time rolls around. Maybe I'll invest in one of those bull horn things.

4. Last but not least....shrug off all those insecure feelings. I AM the teacher. I AM in charge. I CAN make life miserable for these kids. I WILL be respected.

So, yeah...today was very effective birth control. It reminded me of an email I'd gotten recently that said teenagers (and tweenagers are just as bad!) are God's punishment for enjoying sex.

Amen.

It's Interview Time...Again (Post Script)

Well, I have an interview scheduled for Monday afternoon. And before you ask...no it's NOT for a teaching position but it is in a classroom/tutoring setting. The hours are good because they would work around subbing. And it would be steady...which my current job status is lacking. The lady that interviewed me the first time said she'd be surprised if I wasn't hired on the spot. I'm refraining from any sort of hope. I know...that probably sounds very wrong, but I've discovered that gearing myself up for a good thing and then it not being a good thing is tough. So, I'm going to be cautiously optimistic. I suppose I'll have some sort of a better feeling next week. We'll see.

Post Script: There is a twisted little journey to the end of this tale. Yesterday (Sunday) my mom saw an ad in the paper for the same summer position that I had last year. I loved that job and had a blast! So, I wanted to apply. I figured I might have a leg up considering I was the assistant last year. Well, as things normally do, there were some changes. The person that hired me last year isn't the same person that is there this year. And while she does know me and our chat this morning seemed to go well, I'm not banking on anything. Oh did I mention that this job (if I get it) would start the first of May? Well, I went ahead and kept my interview time with the after school program job. And I was offered the position...I start tomorrow! How cool is that :o) Okay...dilemma. I want the summer job. I couldn't turn down this job. So, I have a job and a plan in case I'm offered the other summer job. I kept telling my mom how it would all work if this happened and then what if this happened and finally what if this happened. She said "what if you wake up from this dream sometime soon?". Yeah, I have a real helpful parent. Anyway, I start tomorrow and we'll see how it goes. I am excited though!!! Is it okay to be more excited by the paycheck than the actual job? I hope so.

Pain In The Neck

I've come to the conclusion that I know too many old people. Okay...maybe I should say older people. I know of two people who aren't what I'd call old...okay I would call Mike old but I was brought up to be respectful of my elders...that have had or are having neck and back problems. And I think it's wearing off on me or I'm having some dang strong sympathy pains.

I went to the doctor last Friday because I'd been having some severe neck pain and headaches for about three weeks. Why wait three weeks? Well it could be that I have a man issue...why go to the doctor when you're actually not feeling good but it was more like I thought I'd just slept wrong. So, I shoved the pillows all off my bed and slept with one. I tried using some fancy neck pillow. I gave up and just started taking a daily regimen of Advil. But, when the headaches started I figured I'd better have it checked out.

Well, the first thing he asked me was if I'd had any head trauma recently. I said no, but that I had accidentally hit my head on the window seal next to my bed. (And no...you get to wonder what I was doing.) It did occur about the same time but I really hadn't put it together that that might have caused this. Anyway, he feels around on me and says that I need an MRI of my neck and writes me a prescription for some pain medicine. (I have issues about taking heavy narcotics so I was leary and to be truthful I've only taken two since last Friday. They pack a punch.)

Well, the MRI was yesterday afternoon. Now, I'm not normally a claustrophobic person. And I'd had an MRI about three years ago when my migraines were diagnosed. It wasn't too bad. They gave me headphones with country music playing so it sort of drowned out the jack hammering of the machine. Well, no headphones this time. And I was in a different room and the table had a neck brace thing I had to wear. Also, they put a mask type thing over my face. I'm not even in the tunnel yet and I'm already starting to feel sick to my stomach.

I calmly asked how long this would take and then nearly flipped out when she said I'd be in there about 30 minutes. Seeing as how I'm 24 and big girls don't cry, I took deep breaths and started praying that I wouldn't flip out. I went in up to my chest. Okay...this wasn't too bad. I closed my eyes so I wasn't seeing just how trapped I was and there was a nice breeze in there so I thought I'd be fine. Then the jackhammer noise started. I wanted out! And then after the first round of pictures she pushed me in even further.

I tried to think of all kinds of things to take my mind off the sound, the tight space, and the trapped feeling. I thought about being on a beach with wide open space. I tried thinking of how I'd write this post. I thought about taking a nap. And then I started thinking about being in a casket. I guess I started to wiggle because the tech came in and said I couldn't move my legs and hands so much. After that I told her that I didn't like it in there and she said it's okay...most people don't. Anyway, I did manage to make it through the entire time without throwing up or flipping out...too much. When I got out of there I had to go and have some neck X-rays taken.

Talk about a pain in the neck. All I have to say is that I'd better have something wrong with me to justify those thirty minutes of hell in the MRI machine.

D N R (Updated)

Death has a smell. It is surprisingly clean and sterile. Death has a sound. It is remarkably silent. So silent that you become acutely aware of the sounds around you...the steady beep beep beep of a machine, the tick of a clock, the even puffs of breath from the dying.

My great grandmother is dying.

Yesterday my mom and I found her in her house. She was sitting in the kitchen half naked and clutching a candy sack and an ad from the paper. She thought it was the telephone. We called to her and she kept asking if we could hear her. She was aware enough to tell us that she had a severe headache and that she couldn't see. She didn't understand that we were right there in the house with her. I called 911. She was extremely disoriented. She fought the paramedics because she didn't understand what was happening. At the ER we waited for the doctors to tell us anything...to help us understand what had happened. It could have been a minor stroke. It could have been a pain medication overdose. We will probably never know.

The sedation medicine that they are giving her is causing her heart to weaken. She had a heart condition to begin with so this is wearing it away even more. She had to be taken off all pain medication. The look of agony on her face is something I won't soon forget. Our family had to make the choice to not resuscitate her should she have a heart attack. My parents have both told me that they don't want to be saved to only have a long and painful existence. It seems so easy to say that, but yesterday it was the hardest thing I had to witness. We've chosen to make her comfortable until the end.

Tonight, the doctor came in and told my mom and aunt that she was dangerously close to having a massive heart attack. So, they have taken her off of all the sedation medicine. They want to make sure that she is as alert as she is going to get. And if this is it then she'll most likely be moved up to hospice and all medicine will be stopped. She'll be given enough pain medicine to be kept comfortable which in turn will probably trigger the heart attack.

Last week she was being her old cranky self and basically making sure that everyone around her was as miserable as she was and if you weren't she was going to make you feel guilty for it. My mom takes the brunt of most of this and this time it was especially bad. I couldn't help but think how much better it would be when she was dead. And now here she is...dying. Tonight I told her I was sorry and that I loved her. Then I whispered sleep tight and I left. There is a very good chance that will be the last time I see her alive.

I think the waiting is the worst part of death. There won't be a sudden incident. There won't be those regrets that I didn't get to say goodbye. There will only be the long waiting and watching.

I probably won't be on again until the waiting is over, so to those of you who will stop by, thank you in advance for the thoughts and prayers.

UPDATE: We got a call last night but it wasn't news we expected to hear. Nanny's heart settled into a normal rhythm and she began to wake up. She knew she was in a hospital and she recognized my mom. The doctors have determined that she had a heart attack but the medicines have brought it back to it's normal condition. This is good news. The watch is over, but the family still has some rough days ahead. She can no longer live by herself (a feat in itself for a 90 year old woman) and will have to be put into a nursing home. She has always said she'd rather be dead than go to a nursing home, but at this point the family has no choice. She needs constant care that we can not provide. My grandfather and great uncle are coming in today to make arrangements. Nanny doesn't have a great relationship with either son so this has the makings of a battle. While this situation isn't critical any longer, it will still be a stressful one for my family. For those of you who called and/or left comments thank you. Friends are what get you though times like this.

Beauty Among The Thorns

Yesterday I went with a fellow scrapbooker to this beautiful patch of bluebonnets. We wanted to take some pictures while the flowers were still lush and at their prettiest. Little did we know that bluebonnets wouldn't be the only things out in that field.

I've lived in Texas my entire life and I know that in fields of wildflowers there are usually bugs, stickers, and weeds. I'm not sure what made me think wearing flip flops out there was going to be a good idea. It might have been the fact that I was running late or it was just a few degrees shy of 100 yesterday, but whatever the reason, I was wearing flip flops.

As soon as I took three steps into the field, I had stickers covering my shoes, the bottom of my jeans, and in my feet. And these weren't you garden variety stickers. Oh no...these are the big boys of stickers. The kind that stay when they prick your skin. The kind that the needles break off from the center when you try to remove it so you're left with splinters. I finally managed to get them out of my jeans. Then my friend tells me to sit down on the ground so she can take my picture. At this point I'm questioning the smartness of that command. "I don't think so A." "Okay...then squat or kneel. I'll snap fast." So down on one knee I go. My right knee to be precise. (This will be important later.) I can feel stickers sinking through my jeans and into my flesh. Needless to say, there aren't too many pictures of me kneeling in the field.

Anyhow, I traded places with her. Her family trots out into the field and squats down (owie doesn't even describe the pain) and I snap a few pictures. We agree that the bluebonnets are beautiful but we're ready to go. After taking a few minutes to get the final sticker splinters out of the knee of my jeans I got in my car, waved goodbye, and drove off. I'd gone about three miles when my knee started to feel like it was on fire. I rubbed with my palm and didn't really feel any splinters but I thought there might be a few inside so I quit rubbing them and just drove.

Here is the turning point...where my day went from good to horrible in the space of about 20 minutes. I had to drop some film off to be developed, get gas, and then go home. All the while, my knee is still burning and itching like crazy. I pulled into the drug store's parking lot. I ran in and got the film taken care of. I came back out to my car and decided to take a look at my knee. I rolled my jeans up to my knee and to my surprise my knee looks like I've just been bitten by 100 fire ants. I have red swollen whelps forming all over my knee. It's red and warm to the touch and did I mention it itched? I'm having a major allergic reaction. I should have known what it was. I'm allergic to anything remotely related to the outdoors. I get two allergy shots twice a week...that is four shots a week. What made me think getting down in the grass was a good idea? Okay, I decided to just go home and take some Benadryl and put a cool washcloth on my knee.

Problem...the car won't start. I figured I had just pushed it too far on E. So, I whipped out my trusty cell phone and dialed home. No answer. I called my mom's cell and asked why they weren't answering the house phone. They weren't at home but out of town at the lake. Great. It'll take them about 45 minutes to get to me. So, can you picture this....I'm tired, got sticker splinters in my pants, having an allergic reaction, and now I need to just sit tight for about an hour. I wasn't a happy camper. Tears were threatening.

Well, my parents finally come to the rescue. My dad shows me the finer points of blowing and sucking to get the gas out of the can and into my car. Let's just say I'm a AAA kind of girl. I'm never going to suck gas out of a can and into my car. (Yes I know what saying never means but I'm paid up for AAA so I feel fairly secure in my neverness.) Well, the car still doesn't start. Long story short...dead battery.

About 9:45pm everyone gets home and we finally sit down to eat dinner. Yesterday evening wasn't my best. And to think it all started with me just wanting a few pictures of these blue babies.

Happy Easter!

Have a wonderful Easter holiday...however you choose to spend it!!

(I know this is early, but I've got a busy weekend planned and I didn't want to forget. :o) )

Altered

This is my latest crafty project. I took a class on making altered clipboards several weeks ago. I made one for a friend that had just come back from Cozumel. This one is for a friend that is going to Tahiti. Anyway, they are totally cheap (those friends that got them don't take that the wrong way!) and I like making them!

The saying says "The secret to a rich life is to have more beginnings than endings."

Living In TV Land

Recently I've been introduced to "classic" television. Last week, while on a working hiatus, I spent a lot of time at home. Anyway, I discovered that each afternoon my mom watches TV Land. The line up includes Gunsmoke, Bonanza, Leave It To Beaver, and The Andy Griffith Show. And I also discovered that my television knowledge is sorely lacking.

Yesterday we caught a Gunsmoke marathon. When my dad said "Marshall Dylan" I was like the guy with Miss Kitty? Yep...one in the same. I'd heard about Marshall Dylan and Miss Kitty in a country song. My dad just laughed. I also asked him if Matt and Miss Kitty ever got married. He said no, but he did see a movie where she came back to tell him that he had a daughter. I jokingly said "I thought people didn't have sex back in black and white." He informed me that they didn't. That movie was made AFTER the original Gunsmoke and you'd never see anyone getting it on...they didn't do that. Okay.

After watching all these classic and wholesome television shows, I kind of feel dirty watching season one of Nip/Tuck. Okay...I felt a little dirty watching Nip/Tuck before, but you know what I mean. What happened? When did we as a society stop being entertained by families and clean TV and need to be entertained by the garbage that is on now? I'm not being cruel when I say garbage either...I watch my fair share. But compared to what it used to be...we've sunk very low.

(And speaking of sinking low...this is a shameless plug to watch Survivor this week...Shane has a ummm rash on his ummm thingy. This should make for hilarious garbage on Thursday. And I bet no one has missed the Survivor recaps (yeah all you whiners out there that don't like reality tv or the recaps) but for those few of you (Annette and Trina) that did I'm directing you to a site that has a wonderful recap. They are hilarious! It's at www.televisionwithoutpity.com and there are several shows on there that you can find in depth recaps for. Okay...plug over.)


Well, I'd better wrap this up...Timmy just fell in the well and Lassie is about to save him!

Because I'm Lazy....

....I'm doing one of those quiz posts. And really...there wasn't much blog worthy that happened today. Those of you following the previous post (seriously...get a life because laundry isn't that interesting...lol) I washed and changed the bedsheets. I took the Christmas comforter off and put the old spring floral one back on. Don't judge me! And I'm trying my hand at dinner tonight...how hard is it to mess up sketti?

I'm a Lamborghini!

You're not subtle, but you don't want to be. Fast, loud, and dramatic, you want people to notice you, and then get out of the way. In a world full of sheep, you're a raging bull.

Surprisingly, pretty accurate.

Have you ever given thought as to what kind of car you might be? If you were a car? Me neither but I stumbled across this site and took their 12 question test.

Visit http://www.tomorrowland.us/sportscar/ and have a laugh

Domestic Goddess I'm NOT

This week has been a very slow week for subbing...slow as in absolutely not one job. So, I've spent a good amount of time at home. Many people would think that this would be a great time to do a little spring cleaning, home organization...you know...basic domestic goddess stuff. Well, guess what? There is no domestic goddess living here.

I was asked to vacuum the living room, sweep the kitchen and dining room, clean the bathroom, and wash the dog. As of this morning, the bathroom is still calling my name and the poor dog has been banished from the couch due to the "dog" smell. I did manage to get the sweeping and vacuuming done...yesterday. I refuse to believe that I'm not normal because I don't get this almost orgasmic feeling from cleaning the house.

And it's not just cleaning. I like to cook. I like to try out new recipes. Some are good and some aren't so good. Italian smothered pork chops didn't go over so well. But anyway, sometimes I have technical difficulties in the kitchen. Did you know that you can't skillet fry chicken with a Parmesan cheese coating? I learned this when I blackened the chesse, set off the smoke detectors, and the chicken was still raw in the center. Anyone want to come over for dinner?

I'm not totally lacking...I can do laundry. I know how to sort it, wash it, hang it up, and fold it. I might have a little trouble with the ironing. Sadly, I'm lacking in this area. Yesterday I ironed a shirt (that I was going to wear to a job fair) on a TV tray. It didn't look too bad. This is why I'm a big fan of dry cleaning. They do it for you.

Why this whole diatribe about being a domestic goddess...or lack there of? It's a stalling tactic. As soon as this posts I have to get up and get busy. I guess putting it off isn't going to make it go away. So...I'm off.

Tagged

Well, this is what happens when you build up a little blog address book...you get tagged! I'm not tagging anyone else...if you choose to be tagged more power to you! If not...no love lost.

5 Snacks I Enjoy

• Gummy candy (gummy pizza and burgers by Troll are my favorite!)
• Peanuts in my Coke
• Thick and Creamy yogurt
• chips
• #7 combo from Sonic (cheese sticks and Ocean Water)

5 Songs To Which I Know All The Lyrics

• Pull My Chain by Toby Keith
• White Flag by Dido
• I Grieve by Peter Gabriel
• If Walls Could Talk by Celine
• Jesse James by Cher

5 Things I Would Do If I Were A Millionaire

• Travel...a lot!
• Pay off my student loans
• Build a scrapbook room
• Find a favorite charity
• Invest

5 Bad Habits

• Biting my nails
• Not making my bed every morning
• gossiping
• Over committing myself and being stretched too thin
• I occasionally slurp my milk

5 Things I Like Doing

• Scrapbooking!
• Shopping
• Watching Survivor, The West Wing, Grey's Anatomy
• Bowling
• Blogging and checking my mail

5 Things I Would Never Wear, Buy, Or Get New Again

• A membership to a dating website
• Stilettos
• Eyelets
• Watermelon Extra Bubble Gum (Ick)
• Murder By Numbers DVD

5 Favorite Toys

• Xyron Machine
• Balderdash
• Cell Phone
• Computer
• TV

Interview Nerves (Post Script)

I have an interview tomorrow. It's like a duel interview....there are two possible positions up for grabs. I actually called about the part time one (thanks to Q.B. I'm just not getting around enough) and the lady actually suggested that I apply for the full time position. This is all very good and I'm excited. But, I'm also nervous.

I got my first real job my senior year of high school. They interviewed me and I got the job. That pattern continued through-out college. I actually got a little cocky...there wasn't a job out there that I'd applied for that I didn't get. That is until it came time to get an actual career going. Then I got passed over so many times it actually got to the point where I didn't even want to try and interview. So, can you see where the nerves come in?

I think I'd like this job...either one. Anyway, I spent tonight polishing up my resume so I'm ready to go. It's tomorrow. Afternoon. So, if you stop by before let me know some things I can do to relax and be un-nervous and then wish me luck!

Post Script: First, thanks to all of you who wished me well! Keep wishing because I have a follow up interview that is still in the process of being scheduled.

When I arrived, I gave my name and the receptionist handed me a thick stack of forms to fill out. It was everything from a standard application to a spelling test. The spelling test stressed me out because I am NOT a good speller. The words were spelled and they asked you to check the ones that weren't spelled correctly. Talk about pressure! Anyway, after I fill out this massive stack of forms, the lady asks me if there was a certain position I was interested in and then says "Oh...you didn't need to fill these out. But you did very well. Just a sec and I'll get you set up with Carole." Well a little spelling practice never hurts.

As it turns out, the lady that interviewed me is actually someone that I met through my job last summer. I'm always glad for small favors. We'll see if that works out in my favor or not.

Anyway, as I was leaving she gave me a time sheet. She said it was in the hopes that things went really well with the next interview. She's supposed to be getting back to me on when that will be. Apparently the lady that is to interview me next is out of town.

So, now you know as much as I did. The jobs sound challenging and fun...always a good combination. I'll keep you posted!